Christine Marie

May is Mental Health Awareness month, and until recently, that meant little more to me than a few posts on my social media feed and a neglected email from HR reminding employees to breathe every now and then. For those not actively engrossed in the challenges of Mental Health, this month of spotlight means no more than pink ribbons in October, or a Pride flag in June – a passing acknowledgment that has no impact on our daily lives – until it does.

This is my daughter’s story.

Amelia is an old soul. For anyone that has the chance to get to know her, their life is forever changed by this incredible, compassionate, hilarious human. At three, Amelia was reading, and not just reciting words she remembered, reading new books. At five, out of curiosity by her preschool teacher, she was introduced to multiplication and division, she completed the entire sheet within minutes. By eleven, Amelia had been accepted to Johns Hopkins gifted program, taking college courses. Everything comes easy to Amelia – she taught herself to play the guitar, bass, and ukulele. She is also a gifted artist. Looking back, the signs were there, but in my naivety, I saw nothing more than a gifted child, albeit one with a few idiosyncrasies.

In the United States, approximately 17.1 million children, around one in six, have experienced a mental health disorder with 10% of those requiring mental health services. In 2019, among adolescents aged 12-17, one in five had experienced a major depressive episode, and of those 18% had seriously considered attempting suicide (cdc.gov – Mental Health Surveillance Among Children). Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 10-24 – and yet, we don’t talk about it.

Amelia’s Mental Health journey is like so many other children her age – a series of misdiagnoses by hurried doctors and uneducated parents who simply don’t know what they are seeing. At seven, a school psychiatrist mentioned she seemed to have periods of “mania”, but with no further explanation, it was shrugged off as ADHD (a short stint on ADHD meds at 11 that exacerbated her symptoms made it clear this was not the case). By 8, Amelia had a formal diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder with the recommendation to participate in therapy, so weekly therapy she received. By 12, I began to suspect that Amelia was suffering from periods of depression, but with diametric periods of extreme giddiness, laughter, and movement – sometimes both in the same day – I brushed it off as those “idiosyncrasies that made up Amelia”.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long until I truly began to admit this was more than “idiosyncrasies”. One day, while ironing clothes Amelia walked into the room. I cautioned her that the iron was hot and to be careful around the cord – without hesitation, Amelia walked up to the iron and placed her palm directly on the hot surface. She instantly pulled away, and looking down at her now angry red hand she said over and over, “I don’t know why I did that, something told me to do that. I don’t know why I did that, something told me to do that.”.

Fast forward to early March, of this year. A call from Amelia’s school informed me that a note had been taken from Amelia by a teacher – that note? A list of reasons Amelia didn’t deserve to be alive, written by Amelia herself. A psychiatric evaluation was scheduled, but the soonest they could get her in, with insurance covering it, was more than 3 months out.  Out of desperation, I scheduled an appointment with her pediatrician. Amelia was referred to the in-house psychiatrist, and after a 10-minute conversation, she was diagnosed with depression and prescribed meds. Dear dear reader, as I write this, I am overwhelmed by guilt. I knew depression was not the right answer, I knew there was more. My child was not simply depressed, but who am I to question years of medical school and psychiatric training? We had shared the periods of extreme elation and other alarming symptoms with the doctor, but with no further inquiry on his part, depression was the diagnosis. So, start the depression meds she did.

I have attempted to write what comes next in her story multiple times – each time overwhelmed and unable to continue. So, dear reader, forgive my fragmented thoughts and truncated version of events, for this is all I am capable of, right now.

On March 22nd, my daughter walked into my bedroom, just before bed, and with tear filled eyes, she simply said the words, “Mom, I need help.”

Those four words saved my daughter’s life.

Over the next 24 hours, and a rotating door of doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, case workers, and countless others, we learned the extent of my daughter’s distressed mental health. A case worker with kind eyes sat across from me in a quiet room. He handed me a box of tissues and said, “There is no easy way to say this…”. It was then I learned what it feels like to be a parent of one of those 9% of children that have attempted to take their own life. Not only had she attempted to take her own life, but she had also been self-harming, inflicting more than 2 dozen serious cuts on her arms, legs, and torso. Amelia was in a state of crisis. I had failed as a parent.

On March 15^th, Amelia was admitted to a psychiatric hospital where she stayed for 2 weeks, my only contact was evening telephone calls and a once-a-week visit in a tired cafeteria surrounded by even more tired parents. During her stay it was determined Amelia showed signs of Bipolar I, and as such should not be treated with classic depression medication. Side note, you know those commercials you see that say, “This drug may increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and tendencies in adolescents”, well guess what, they say that for a reason.

After two weeks, Amelia was released to a partial hospitalization program, where she remains to this to this day (she was put on medical leave with her school and will not be returning at all this year). Over the course of the last two months, Amelia has been formally diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder, mixed features, with borderline personality disorder traits. She attends multiple group counseling and individual counseling sessions a day, as well as art and music therapy. She has been on two different medications, the last of which is showing promising results in managing both her mania and depression.

And so here we are, the middle of May – Mental Health Awareness month – and I find myself suddenly caring about that silly green ribbon and more importantly, what it means for my daughter… and weeping for the countless others like her, who were not so lucky.

When asked why I wanted to share this deeply personal story, I replied simply, “If my daughter had been hospitalized for going on 3 months due to serious injury or illness, everyone would know. I would have a train of casseroles being delivered to my door and neighbors asking what they can do to help. Why should we treat mental health any differently?” Only by talking about it can we remove the stigma and begin to enact real change that will help those one in six children affected by mental health disorders every day.

Note, I have my daughter’s permission to post this.

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If you suspect that your child may be experiencing a mental health crisis, it is critical that you act and seek help sooner rather than later. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in young people, and yet we don’t talk about it, or even know what to look for. While I am no expert, please take the following information on what to look for and how to advocate for your children as a starting point for this critical conversation:

Recognize the signs: Be attentive to changes in your child’s behavior, emotions, or functioning that are persistent, severe, and interfere with their daily life. Some common signs of a mental health crisis in children may include:

• Extreme mood swings or irritability
• Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or withdrawal from activities
• Changes in sleep patterns or appetite
• Difficulty concentrating or sudden decline in academic performance
• Social isolation or loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
• Expressing thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Create a safe and supportive environment: Approach your child with empathy, understanding, and open communication. Share your own feelings, even the ugly ones. Talking about emotions and what we are feeling must be as available to our children as talking about school assignments, or sports. Let them know that you are there to support them and that seeking help is a positive step toward their well-being.

Initiate a conversation: Choose a calm and private setting to talk with your child about your concerns. Use open-ended questions to encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Listen attentively, without judgment, and validate their emotions. If your child shares sensitive information, thank them for their bravery, and let them know you are proud of them for sharing. Let them know that it’s okay to not feel okay and that seeking help is a sign of strength.

Consult professionals: Reach out to your child’s pediatrician or primary care doctor to discuss your concerns. They can provide guidance, assess your child’s mental health, and refer you to appropriate mental health professionals or specialists if necessary. Learn from me, prepare a list of your observations and questions to ensure a productive conversation. If you don’t feel you are being heard, find someone else. If your child’s mental health crisis is severe or urgent, take them to the nearest emergency room. Otherwise, request a referral to a child psychologist, psychiatrist, or licensed mental health counselor who specializes in working with children and adolescents.

Be an advocate for your child: Take an active role in your child’s treatment and recovery process. Attend therapy sessions, follow through with recommended treatments, and communicate openly with the mental health professionals involved. Keep a record of any changes or improvements you observe in your child’s well-being.

Educate yourself: Learn about your child’s specific mental health condition or crisis to gain a better understanding of their experiences and needs. Ask your child’s doctor questions, if you don’t understand something, have them explain it, as many times as you need until you do. Seek reliable online resources, books, support groups, and educational workshops that can provide valuable information and help you make informed decisions.

Take care of yourself: Trust me, this one is hard when all you can think about is your child, but caring for yourself is just as important as the needs of your child. Connect with support groups or counseling services specifically designed for parents of children with mental health challenges.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey – it’s time to start the conversation. Many resources, organizations, and professionals are available to help.

• The NAMI HelpLine (1.800. 950. NAMI) is a free, nationwide peer-support service providing information, resource referrals, and support to people living with a mental health conditions, their family members and caregivers, mental health providers and the public.
• FindTreatment.gov. will help you find a provider treating substance use disorders, addiction, and mental illness.
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is an invaluable resource in which you’ll find health info on a very wide range of mental health disorders; all about different medications; and the latest info on clinical trials and research.

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