Christine Marie

One year ago today my life was irrevocably changed by four words.

Those four words:

“Mom, I need help.”

A year ago today, my bright, eccentric, beautiful, amazing daughter was drowning inside her own tortured mind – but somehow, amidst it all, found the courage to ask for help. On the evening of March 22, 2023 my 13-year-old daughter walked into my room and said four words.

“Mom, I need help.”

Those four words saved her life.

Over the course of the next few hours and a rotating door of doctors, nurses, case workers, and others, I learned the extent of my daughter’s mental crisis. Not only had she been self-harming, inflicting nearly two dozen serious cuts on her arms, legs, and stomach, she had also attempted to take her own life.

At the time, I felt as though I had failed. I failed as a parent, as a mom. How had I not seen the signs? How did it come to this? While I still have moments of crippling guilt, I can tell you, a year later, it simply isn’t true. I had seen the signs. I had even taken the steps to get her help – but it wasn’t enough. If guilt persists today, it’s that I didn’t push harder, insist more, demand louder. If guilt persists, it’s that we are one of the lucky ones because she’s still here, while so many others aren’t.

While I could spend an entire page on the failure that is our mental health care in this country I won’t. This isn’t a story of failure – and it isn’t a story of fear. It’s a story of resilience. Of strength. Of the courage to battle out loud. It’s a story of hope.

Amelia is unlike any human you have or will ever meet. She is extraordinary in every sense of the word. At four she was doing complex math. At eleven she was accepted to John’s Hopkins. By twelve, she had taught herself to play four different instruments. But those are just facts. The fact is, Amelia is so much more than her exceptional abilities. She is funny. Not just ha-ha funny – but downright crying tears and clutching your gut funny. She is kind. She is stubborn. She is observant. She loves dogs and her sister. She loves art. Amelia is so much more than her standardized test scores and her diagnosis – she is simply extraordinary – and over the course of the last year, she has added one more adjective to her growing list. Amelia is fearless.

When last I wrote about Amelia’s story, she was still in intensive treatment. Post her 10-day hospital stay she was removed from school and admitted to a partial hospitalization program (PHP)– we dropped her off every morning and picked her up every evening. During her three months in PHP, she received comprehensive clinical care including individual, family, and group therapy, art and music therapy, and a diagnosis.

Bipolar (BD) with Psychotic Features.

[Psychosis in bipolar disorder (BD) is characterized by the presence of either delusions or hallucinations or both. It is well known that over half of the patients with BD develop psychotic symptoms during their lifetimes] – National Institutes of Health (NIH).

While I would love to tell you that diagnosis led to a moment of clarity for us and her care team – that moment of “Ah Ha! We know where to go from here!” that simply wasn’t the case. Over the course of the last year, I have learned the extent of the battle Amelia will face for the duration of her life. Bipolar is tough – treating it is even tougher.

Bipolar disorder is treated with medication and psychotherapy.

• Effective medications include:
• mood stabilizers
• atypical antipsychotics
• antidepressants
• anti-anxiety medications

Types of psychotherapy used to treat bipolar disorder include:

• cognitive behavioral therapy
• family-focused therapy

Finding the best medication and right dose can take a little trial and error – as was the case for Amelia. And because there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to managing the symptoms and outcomes of bipolar disorder, which also vary, many mental health professionals choose not to take patients with this diagnosis. Yes, you read that right. Mental health professionals choose not to take these patients because it is simply too hard to manage. So where does that leave kids like Amelia? Unfortunately, the answer to that depends on the child’s access to resources (and not insubstantial ones) and support.

We paid out of pocket for Amelia’s three-month hospitalization program as insurance did not deem it necessary following her 10-day in-patient stay (which they only covered part of). She is also on a medication that costs $2,000 a month – A MONTH – without insurance (it was a fight, but they are now covering it). I don’t tell you this to garner pity (maybe a little outrage would be okay) – instead, I tell you this because if we don’t talk about it, children that are not in the same privileged position as Amelia, don’t make it. Those children, those families, who simply do not have the means, the time, the ability to fight – those children are the ones who don’t make it. Those are the ones we’ve failed.

But as I said earlier, this isn’t a story of failure. Over the last year, I have seen my daughter grow, granted, it is more than any child her age should ever have to, but grow she has. Amelia has learned how to advocate for herself. She has learned to speak up, to question, to push-back, to fight – and I could not be more fucking proud of her. A year ago, she asked for help, and she’s never looked back.

Today, Amelia woke at 6:30 AM to get ready for school – why so early? Because last year Amelia determined that the school she was at was contributing to her poor mental health and as such, she asked to transfer to a different school – a private performing arts school that is more than 45 minutes from our house. I was hesitant. She was persistent. She won. Every school day Amelia rides the train 45 minutes to her school – where she has flourished. Dance, music, photography, art. Amelia’s day is spent doing what she wants, how she wants to do it.

If you had asked me a year ago where we would be today, I simply wouldn’t have an answer for you. A year ago, I couldn’t breathe. Looking ahead I saw only darkness. Yet, today, looking at Amelia I see not just light, but a kaleidoscope of hope, dreams, and boundless possibilities.

Her resilience has painted not just my life, but everyone around her with colors of strength, joy, and beauty. In her eyes, I see the reflection of the person I want to be when I grow up—kinder, braver, better. Today, looking at my extraordinary daughter, I don’t just see a light; I see a universe brimming with love, hope, and the promise of tomorrow.

Note: My daughter has given her permission to share her story.

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If you suspect that your child may be experiencing a mental health crisis, it is critical that you act and seek help sooner rather than later. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in young people, and yet we don’t talk about it, or even know what to look for. While I am no expert, please take the following information on what to look for and how to advocate for your children as a starting point for this critical conversation:

Recognize the signs: Be attentive to changes in your child’s behavior, emotions, or functioning that are persistent, severe, and interfere with their daily life. Some common signs of a mental health crisis in children may include:

• Extreme mood swings or irritability
• Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or withdrawal from activities
• Changes in sleep patterns or appetite
• Difficulty concentrating or sudden decline in academic performance
• Social isolation or loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
• Expressing thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Create a safe and supportive environment: Approach your child with empathy, understanding, and open communication. Share your own feelings, even the ugly ones. Talking about emotions and what we are feeling must be as available to our children as talking about school assignments, or sports. Let them know that you are there to support them and that seeking help is a positive step toward their well-being.

Initiate a conversation: Choose a calm and private setting to talk with your child about your concerns. Use open-ended questions to encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Listen attentively, without judgment, and validate their emotions. If your child shares sensitive information, thank them for their bravery, and let them know you are proud of them for sharing. Let them know that it’s okay to not feel okay and that seeking help is a sign of strength.

Consult professionals: Reach out to your child’s pediatrician or primary care doctor to discuss your concerns. They can provide guidance, assess your child’s mental health, and refer you to appropriate mental health professionals or specialists if necessary. Prepare a list of your observations and questions to ensure a productive conversation. If you don’t feel you are being heard, find someone else. If your child’s mental health crisis is severe or urgent, take them to the nearest emergency room. Otherwise, request a referral to a child psychologist, psychiatrist, or licensed mental health counselor who specializes in working with children and adolescents.

Be an advocate for your child: Take an active role in your child’s treatment and recovery process. Attend therapy sessions, follow through with recommended treatments, and communicate openly with the mental health professionals involved. Keep a record of any changes or improvements you observe in your child’s well-being.

Educate yourself: Learn about your child’s specific mental health condition or crisis to gain a better understanding of their experiences and needs. Ask your child’s doctor questions, if you don’t understand something, have them explain it, as many times as you need until you do. Seek reliable online resources, books, support groups, and educational workshops that can provide valuable information and help you make informed decisions.

Take care of yourself: Trust me, this one is hard when all you can think about is your child, but caring for yourself is just as important as the needs of your child. Connect with support groups or counseling services specifically designed for parents of children with mental health challenges.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey – it’s time to start the conversation. Many resources, organizations, and professionals are available to help.

The NAMI HelpLine (1.800. 950. NAMI) is a free, nationwide peer-support service providing information, resource referrals, and support to people living with a mental health conditions, their family members and caregivers, mental health providers and the public.

FindTreatment.gov. will help you find a provider treating substance use disorders, addiction, and mental illness.

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is an invaluable resource in which you’ll find health info on a very wide range of mental health disorders; all about different medications; and the latest info on clinical trials and research.

988 call or text

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline | Available 24 hours. English, Spanish