When do girls learn to say “sorry” for simply existing? Is it something taught or is it ingrained in our DNA? Why is it we say “sorry” when we should be saying “excuse me”? Why is it we say “Sorry” when we should be owning our feelings, not sorry for having them….why is it we are sorry…for everything? Midge Maisel, of my most recent TV obsession – The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – says it best, “Why do we have to pretend to be stupid when we are not stupid? Why do we have to pretend to be helpless when we’re not helpless? Why do we have to pretend to be sorry when we have nothing to be sorry about and why do we have to pretend to not be hungry when we’re hungry!?” Well guess what, I’m not sorry. Not anymore.
I don’t exactly consider myself an anomaly, but I also know I am not your average mid 30’s mom. See, I knew early on, I was going to have a career – like my mother, and her mother. I knew that I wanted to stand up and hold my own, long before I knew that I wanted to be a mom. And dammit, I’ve worked hard to do just that. At *indistinct mumble..mid thirties…mumble* I am where many people can only dream; executive at a fast growing startup, private office, world travel to beautiful places in luxurious accommodations and a salary that allows me to raise two small humans with very little concerns about money. So what the hell do I have to be sorry about? Well, guess what, all this ambition and drive? It’s intimidating, or so I’m told – and for a long time, I apologized for it.
I apologized to my husband (ex), when work required late nights and he was in charge of dinner and bed time routines. I apologized to my friends when I couldn’t join in their plans because I would be traveling. I apologized to my kids when obligations kept me from practice or games. I apologized…for all of it…but why? Why the hell was I apologizing for doing exactly what I said I was going to do? Why was I apologizing for working hard to get to a point in which I didn’t have to depend on anyone but myself? Why was I apologizing? Back to my original question, where as woman do we learn this? At what point do we discover that living out loud and owning our existence is something we must apologize for? And honestly, who the hell are we apologizing to?
I’m not exactly sure when a flip was switched in me but at some point during my 11 years of marriage, and apologizing for everything in it…I decided I was done. I’m not sorry if my career makes me hard to love. I’m not sorry that my career often takes priority over my social life and hell, even over my kids….now don’t go callin’ CPS or anything, they are always top of my list…but I’m no longer sorry that I can’t make it to all of their practices, or play dates or volunteer in their classrooms. I’m not sorry because I know I am a good mother and I’m doing the best I can to raise humans that are not assholes. I’m also done feigning ignorance to be accepted into the neighborhood mommy groups and I’m certainly done pretending to need help just to placate fragile egos. I’m no longer carrying this burden of guilt for living my life – and I’ll be damned if I don’t teach my girls the same.
In my admittedly short time here on this amazing blue ball, I have lived a pretty spectacular life – and I’m not sorry for one minute of it. In fact, I hope to live like Midge (yes, I know she is a fictional character in a 1950’s period piece…stay with me here) – for those that haven’t seen the show, let me give you the quick synopsis. Midge is a young 20’s housewife and mother of two who’s life comes crashing down when her husband unexpectedly announces he is leaving her – but rather than accept the inevitable, she discovers (thanks alcohol for the liquid courage) that she doesn’t have to accept the life she’s been given. She channels her often painful life experiences into hilarious comedy bits and in a time when woman raised babies and men brought home the bacon, she discovers she too can live out loud, and not apologize for any of it. The good news for me, and you too, is that we live in a pretty spectacular time in which we actually DON’T have to be sorry for living our lives. We don’t have to apologize for finding our passion and then actually doing it. So to you I say, go…go live your spectacular life and don’t apologize for any of it…in fact, I plan to ensure that ‘spectacular’ takes on a much different meaning once a person’s met [me].
Now I’m going to go find a snack, because…well…I’m hungry!
*images copyright Amazon Original Series – The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Christine Marie 
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